Awesome for you for stepping up. For a FIRST SONG this is fucking killer. I threw out my first few songs, hated them. Other people liked them but I wanted more. Your song is up to a pretty high standard of quality already, but I can provide further critique on the songwriting if that's cool:

Chorus is badass. Reminds me of 2000's era U2 in a very good way!

I would highly recommend getting more creative with the chord progression on the verse. The thing about that four chord progression is in order for it to not sound amatuerish you have to do it really well. At your stage I would recommend taking that foundation progression for a little twist

The four ways I was taught at Berklee to mix up chord progressions are:
1. Change chord order (this is the most drastic change)
2. Change chord length
3. Add a chord or remove a chord (keep it within a 4 bar phrase of course, so you'll also have to change chord length to adjust - make sense?)
4. Add a pedal (some constant pitch or chord over or under the chords. You kinda did this in the chorus with that guitar part so don't do this in the verse)

For your song specifically I would recommend toying with #1 and #3 since they will not interfere with the nice 4 bar phrasing you have already written lyrics over and because of the note I made with #4 already being used in your chorus.

In this case you probably won't have to adapt the melody too much to the new chord progression, it may even sit perfectly in a better way against a new set of chords, but use your ear, if anything sounds off after the new chords, don't forget to tweak it.

Your composition is pretty awesome, it's more the lyrics that could use a lot of work. There are some strong qualities in there and your MESSAGE is dead on but the overall effect is you're using phrases and cliches which have been already been used in like a hundred other songs and there is very little poeticism, imagery, etc. Now in a way it's kind of up to you, maybe your style is "fuck it, I'm going to say the message I want to say, throw in a clever pun about present, and call it a day" and I guarantee if you can sing it in a way that is convincing you could probably make a career on that. But basically what I'm saying is that there is so much more dimension you can add if you chose to go there.

I think I will do a more in depth critique/breakdown on your lyrics in a new post later but I just don't have time at the moment.

But generally I get the sense from your lyrics that you have not exercised the skill of writing enough and studied writing enough so I would simply work on that - before editing these lyrics, just spend more time working the muscle of writing. I say writing because it's one thing to slap out lyrics and another to develop into this confidence of, hey, I'm a writer, I'm good with words, I make people feel things in a way I can't just convey in speech. IMO the best lyricists can do both. So I suggest really work on writing on a regular basis. Don't worry if it doesn't sound like lyrics or is absolute shit just get pen on paper moving - do loads of free writes, work up stacks and stacks of creative nonsense, trust that you will reach golden moments in there and that whether or not you use them or not in a song, when you next sit down and write a song, you will be better at writing with DEPTH. You want to develop a feel for what it's like to really express yourself emotionally through writing and be dimensional and fluid about it and less like your just giving a speech. It will also help to study brilliant lyricists and poets, short stories, plays, monologue musicals, figure out what you like, think back to everything you learned in english class, make up writing exercises for yourself, if you have any friends or family members who are lyric-lovers, hang around them and chat etc. You don't have to set out and forcefully study this stuff but just be interested from the standpoint of, all of this will combine and make you a better lyricist.

THEN once you start getting immersed in that stuff enough to where you feel you've improved, you can go back to these lyrics and edit them to say what you want to say, with more depth behind it.

Lastly a word about range. The tendency for a lot of songwriters starting out is to favor high notes. Maybe this song is the song you really want to do that on, but to me it sounds like if you took out that E5 and just made that crazy awesome flip into falsetto in the chorus the big highlight of that song, the song would come across more as a genuine song not a vocal showcase. I am personally all about putting the SONG first and whenever I go for writing high notes in a song I believe it must be backed by a necessity for intensity. I don't sense that in this particular song, I think your lyrics are quite relaxed in their nature and call for staying in the accessible tenor range, no super intense stuff. The same goes with using distortion, I think you can sing this entire song clean or almost entirely clean and your message will be more convincing that way.

Another great in between you could try that I do a lot is throw any intense vocal shit in BACKING VOCALS behind the last chorus. That way you're building up to that crazy intensity but it's tucked in the background so it's not taking away the catchiness of staying in a narrow C4-C5 range.

That being said, I am all for you just going for that big jump up to the high screamy note and the distorted moments if you feel that is YOU, something you can invest 100% in with your heart, and will turn into an element of your style.

But back to my original point. It is DAMN HARD to write melodies in a lower range for a whole song! That's the other thing I wanted to say. Try to get around to a lower range song ASAP, it will really challenge you as a writer in a good way and also save your voice so you don't have to sing like 50 thousand high notes in every set. Will lower range songs be your "hits", probably not, but being able to write them well is an important exercise IMO so you have them as moments of contrast in your setlist

Lastly, your title. It's generally best from a marketing standpoint to just pull your title from the chorus as that's the part that repeats, helping people memorize the title so they remember your song if they want to look it up. "The Present", "Call it the Present", or "Now is a Gift" would be good ideas for this and also probably more memorable phrases than "Live Life". It's also of course important that your title reflects what the song is about though, so it's okay to occasionally make up a title not in the lyrics or pull it from a verse. But then don't complain if you get less sales

Nice job overall though. Solid first song, if you want to just put it out there and move on there's nothing wrong with that (that's what I would have done when I started!), it's definitely very cohesive and together as is, or if you want to keep making lots of adjustments that's cool too. Good songwriting and production, very good singing and lyrical message, and most of all, really awesome job on the arrangement/instrumentation, I have no critique there, very surprised at how dead on you nailed that. That's sometimes the hardest part!

Adam Mishan said

Wow what a response!
A lot to digest there.
I was debating about the title. I wanted something that would encompass the whole song and felt that "the present" fell short but I guess your right. I hate it when the titles of songs aren't in the actual song itself.

As far as songwriting skill development goes, I want work on new songs for that. Maybe years down the line I will come back to this and revamp it but I have been sitting on this vocal melody for 3.5 years and am just glad to finally release it and move on. But the information you provided with be very helpful moving forward. Thank you!

I know the feeling man! When you have put in the work and YOU like it enough it's time to move on in the name of getting things done. But It's a good thing you took the time you did because it shows in the quality of your melody which is very important to the popular appeal you're probably looking for. Your chorus was stuck in my head this morning btw

As for the title, It's also important that the title encompasses the whole song and says what you want it to say so basically you're looking at a tough decision, but definitely go with what you feel most confident putting out even if it's not as logical.

Just some quick feedback from me.

I really liked the singing! The melodies and arrangements was also very nicely done. I was not super fond of the lyrics but that is pure taste.
To sum up, really awsomely done and sounds very good for a first song. Much better in every regard than I could do

Cheers man, keep 'em coming!

Phil Moufarrege said

great job Adam. great singing too.
A cool exercise you can try when writing lyrics is to place a limitation on your method of communication:
For example, how would you say everything you said in that song if you could only describe it through sight or touch?
Or if you had to compare it to an event such as describe the concept of living in the now but only using the beach/sunset/ocean as metaphors/similes.
I think you are going places dude. great work

just quickly adding some things on to these points that i was taught - great concepts to bring up Phil and good exercises too, I'll have to remember to try them myself!

About using metaphors and similes - generally it is best with metaphors to stick with one very strong metaphor and use it for the whole song (otherwise the listener kind of gets lost - unless you want that), whereas with similes you can sprinkle different ones all over the place and compare to lots of different things

as for using sight or touch, use all your senses and don't forget to look past the 5 senses, there is also like feeling of balance or imbalance, gut feelings, etc.

A great exercise for that I was taught is called "object writing" where you pick an object and free-write about it for 10 minutes using all senses.

I also like to just complete open-ended free write, I'm coming up with a new term for this (i may have stolen it from a classmate, shhh) - "word vomit" I just explosively let out everything that's on my mind, everything I feel, zero holding back, until I've said everything I want to say for a particular song. So you go through this explosive wild creative writing phase first and then go back and be the analytic, the judge, separately. Cut cut cut cut rearrange rearrange scramble edit edit edit rinse and repeat until it's a tidy polished set of lyrics. It's a longer process than you may be used to but it's pretty fool proof.

@ Adam: First and foremost, I would like to thank Phil for focusing my attention on this. I've been a songwriter since the age of 14, and rather like singing, it's a passion and a craft that continues to amaze and delight me, since one never stops learning. Anyway, congratulations to you with this song and recording. I've listened to it twice, which wasn't absolutely necessary, (aside from my enjoying the song!) as the melody grabbed me right away. If this is your first song, I would never have guessed, because in my opinion, it's really very good.
You should have heard my first efforts.... Although I was young and naive, even I knew they sucked! LOL!
Back to your recording. Very well-arranged, the song structure felt very natural, and I particularly liked the interesting, inventive melody, where it soars upwards, during the choruses and also the middle section, which came in the right place for my tastes, and that cool guitar line in the background during the choruses, is very catchy. I'm a big fan of hooks, not just in the main melody, but in the backing track as well. Many casual listeners may not get as far into a recording of a song as that, which is ok., but for those of us who do, the layers of other cool, catchy hooks, happening in the background, make for very rewarding and repeated listening. A kind of aural, voyage of discovery, if you will. Even in today's short-attention span, disposable world, I remain a huge fan of depth and layering, in recorded songs. Of course, simplicity is good, too, so long as the melody is there as the foundation.
My only constructive piece of advice would be with regard to the song title, which - if it were my creation - as a play on words - metaphors, ambiguity and so forth - I would rechristen as: "The Present". In keeping with, '.. the gift ..' sentiment, as well as, '.. the now' ..

Congratulations, once again. Here's to many more.

Great, great job.

Sincerely,

John

mystarryeyes said

@ Adam: Once you become more sure-footed and confident as a writer, you'll be better able to take heed of advice you consider useful and disregard the rest.

agreed