Hi Owen,
I really like this song of yours. Excellent songwriting and piano playing.

25sec - "as I lay around" don't spread on the lay. "around" that was nice and I like how you keep it tender and light.
"i figure out" figure needs to not spread just like LAY. out is nice and light and fades out nicely good job.
"slowly but surely" nice and tender good job. On sureley keep it darker don't spread.
"the life i want to leave" open the jaw vertically don't spread. Nice fade out on leave.
"but it's not coming out" accentuate those fade ins more like waves that you ride, keep them more legato and darker, too much spreading.
"with any sound" too much spreading. on "sound" add a fade as you hold that note on the lick.
"will I ever feel" keep the EE more dark and hooty and fade it in strongly.

1:09 the whoa don't spread it. nice fade into those "oo's"
1:18 "I'm looking through" very tight, work on releasing this into the head and singing with less grip on the sound.
"a mirror view" dont spread. keep the bright ping in the forehead without openign the mouth so much
"i imagine all" sing the ALL like you would speak it, you are affecting your tone too much and it is unnatural.
"the love" dont slide up to the note, practice just hitting the note, it will help you thin it out properly.

"but i havent a clue" sounds awkward to me, slur the words more and make them more airy then spread them over the beat like this "but-i-hav-ent-a-clue" instead of "but-i-hvnt...a clue"

"how to make" slamming the make. sing it through more closed lips, fade it in. Nice OO at the end fade out the lick.
"sleep" nice EE!!

"will i ever" think speech quality you are awkwardly phrasing these and it is constricting you.
"feel" is close but you need to let it go more to the head.
"complete" nice fading out, dont spread on it!

3:30 way too much spreading, sounds awkward. but nice dynamics
3:40 you lost it here, you need to release it up to the head not grip it into the chest. also "control" the way you quickly and suddenly stop the phrases kills it.
3:50 all constricted and gripped into the mouth.

You know I'm gonna say all that though already haha, we have been working on it in lessons.The song I told you to work on in the last email and this song I think will be good to work on in our lesson. Let's do it.
I understand this was a one take and of course it's easy for me to sit back and pick it apart when you're actually DOING IT so please don't take it the wrong way.

OwenKorzec said
at the high part from 2:10-2:30, was I using too much air on the G#4's,

From what I can hear that is not so much the issue.

OwenKorzec said
how can I make that last word "love" sound more natural, stable, relaxed?

Exactly the process we went through yesterday bro That Ah needs very relaxed lips (almost like your face is numb) and the vowel needs to be sent straight up to the back of the head so that it can ring clearly. You're holding it in the mouth like we talked about yesterday. You gotta get out of the way more and more.

I recommend warming up to the recording of yesterdays lesson and following the instructions I give in there. Also when you sing, make sure you get your fingers snapping, it will help your phrasing to run more rhythmically to the music.

Don't overthink what I said . It's a simple as this:

OwenKorzec said
-A lot of times when I'm singing high in full voice I fall out of time because I'm trying so hard to keep the technique together and I'm kind of actively listening too much to myself and not the music

It's that.

OwenKorzec said I'll try the finger snapping, but isn't the mic going to pick it up too much?

you just do it when you practice.